The reason I'm not so anxious to go home now is that over that weekend, for the first time, I wasn't sure if I could see myself being with my family again. I mean, I could imagine it well enough, but I wasn't sure anymore if that was where I had to be, and if it was right for all of us. For all I've said about wanting to be there with them, I haven't actually, really thought about what that would be like, or I hadn't until that weekend. Going to the grocery, helping around the house, prying my teenage brother off the computer the nights my parents are out, contributing to the pantry, talking more to Lola, being a daughter and sister--what would happen if these little, everyday things which gave me such a thrill during vacations became just everyday things?
I know I won't find out unless I actually go, but I'm a little afraid now. So, I'll stay here and take things a day at a time, hear what time will tell.
Last week, I had dinner with Mikko. He is just bumming around in these free weeks before graduation. He seems one step ahead of where I was when I was that age (as if it was so long ago). When I say that, I mean that he seems to feel now what I didn't feel until six months after my own graduation: a mild yet mounting panic at the thought of being jobless, dependent, and stuck in someone else's house without a ride or key to anywhere else.
I think it's just one of the signs that my brother and I are different people, with different priorities. After graduation, I just wanted to go home and soak up all Kalsangi's summer magic and my family's warmth and laughter, before I had to very reluctantly get on a plane back to Manila, to find my 20-something self somewhere in a career, apartment, and/or breezy strut between CBD skyscrapers.
Mikko's not really interested in going home, or at least not for long--maybe just long enough to soothe my mom's emptying nest aches and catch his breath before seeking his fortune in the style of plucky fairytale youths. That's really how I see him; "Very well, Father. I shall take my leave of you and bring with me this sword/advice/gold/magic chicken that you have given me and see the world."
I don't judge him; in fact, I kind of think that this path is right for him. He's always been the more independent, ambitious of us two, and I really believe he'll go far and that people will like him wherever he goes. It just gets me every time I remember/realize how different we are.
In other news, if you haven't visited my craft challenge blog lately, I've taken up origamic architecture. This sounds to me like a highfalutin way to say kirigami popup buildings, but that requires more explanation than just saying origamic architecture. Anyway, it feels perfect for me right now. I've always enjoyed origami and three-dimensional crafts but haven't made too many; there's no place to store them in my little shoebox of a rented room. This lets me make 3D things and then fold them neatly away for safekeeping.
I'm taking a break from my attempts to model the Manila Met to just make practice buildings and teach myself how certain forms should be cut. Here are some of the exercises I did while hanging out at Martin's yesterday:
I wanted to see how to make a staircase that went around a corner. Here I followed what I've seen in other forms on the Internet, but I'd like to see if I can work out how both parts of the staircase stick out, instead of one sitting in or looking like it's on the inside of the building.
Here I wanted to try making a rough dome shape for rooftops and put a "statue" on top for the heck of it.
Just more playing around. The fat building was supposed to be a cathedral or a government building, but I got lazy.