Functions

The shoes I bought in Manila are finally, fully broken in. I no longer get those telltale scrapes above my heel. The shoes no longer break the skin.

In the fourth week of class, I have a proposal to work on, a presentation to give, and a mountain of reading and research to do. But somehow, I still eat thrice, sometimes four times a day and manage to get six to eight hours of sleep at night.

I do plenty of walking. I'm waiting for the weather to be good, so I can bike.

I'm making friends, slowly. I feel wary around new people, even afraid to say hello, as if to protect a Cris-shaped space inside my tiny chest. As if anyone else could fill it.

I see interesting sights. I work on interesting projects or try to make them interesting to me. I learn a ton of new things. I warm up to people, eventually. I even have fun.

I'm used to being without Cris in the sense that missing him permeates the day. It's as if I'm programmed to interact with him, and remembering that he isn't here is like skipping a line of code and moving on to what's left.


if Cris_presence = 1 AND hug_want >= 1:
  hug(hug_want + 1)

elif Cris_hoodie = not laundry:
  wear(Cris_hoodie)

else:
  miss(Cris)
  schoolwork += 1


if Cris_presence = 1 AND new_show >=1:
  watch(new_show)
  hold(Cris_hands)
  feel(Cris_laugh)

elif Cris_skype = 1:
  call(Cris)
  watch(new_show)
  hear(Cris_laugh)

else:
  miss(Cris) 
  schoolwork += 1


if time = sleep_time AND Cris_presence = 1:
  wrap_self_around(Cris_presence)
  sleep(8)

else:
  curl_up_body_like_that_will_approximate_sensation_of_holding_other_body(1)
  miss(Cris)
  sleep(7)


As for his health and how he's doing, we're still waiting for news about the most recent test. I don't know how it is to be so uncertain about your own body for so long. I wish I could be there with him.

We're still hoping for the best.